Squirmalicious

That moment when you're eating lunch, look down on your plate and see a squirming worm making a break for it.

First thought. Where did that come from.. everything on my plate has either been in a sealed wrapper, the fridge, or the microwave.

Second thought. At least it's still whole, so I know I don't have the other half in my mouth.

Third, fourth and fifth thoughts. Is he alone? Are there others? Have I already eaten them?

Oh god. He (I don't know why or when he became male, but there it is) is still desperately trying to escape my plate. What do I do with him? Squish him? Tip him outside? Cook him? Would he taste better with butter, or coconut? Hmmm....

And thus ended lunch.

Testing... testing... is this thing on?

It's been a while.

I've been offline, figuring out life, staying under the radar.

I did a handstand the other day; it was the highlight of my day.

I took that as a sign that perhaps I should start at least thinking about being a functional adult again.

So, today is my first day back at work, after being completely offline for weeks. Inbox = zero. I'm rebooted and ready to go.

I got ready, paraphrasing Roald Dahl's lyrics to Red Riding Hood (because... this is my sound track in life apparently). Chanting merrily to myself...

I dressed myself in coat & hat, 
I put on shoes, and after that, 
I even brushed & curled my hair... 
then sat myself down in a chair. 

Well, tried to anyway.

In my best heels and donning lipstick, I got to the office, took a seat next to my colleague... and swiftly and efficiently, completely missed the chair.

Throwing bags and flailing limbs, I collapsed on the floor.

It's been so long, I've forgotten how to sit at a desk.

Ladies and gentlemen... I'm back.