Friday, October 14, 2011


I love my cycle in to the office, head phones pumping, my iPhone Kumquat tuning my favourite mango-grooves. Once at work, I generally take headphones out, but forget Kumquat in my back pocket, until I have a reason to use it. Sometimes she stays there all day, until I need to plug in again for my cycle home.

So imagine my shock and horror today, when after making a wee li'l wee, I pulled up my jean-pant and heard a very heavy, very solid, SPLOSHI whipped around, trying to figure out what the hell could've made that noise. 

What was that solid, dark object in the..? 

O sacred mother of all things porcelain, say it isn't...

It was. A string of swear words escaped my lips that would've turned the water foul, even if it hadn't just come out of a used toilet bowl. My lovely blue-covered Kumquat had become a forlorn, water-logged iTurd*. 

With immense displeasure, I reclaimed my iPhone, followed by frantic researching to figure out the best means of emergency rescue. It was interesting to note that a frenzied Google search for "iPhone water submersion" turned up "How to save your iPhone or iPod from a fall into a toilet [tutorial]" as the second result. I may not be the only one, but it doesn't make me any less of an iDiot.

And so it came to be that Kumquat found her way into a bag full of dry rice, in a desperate attempt to draw excess toilet water from her nooks and crannies. Shortly after, GBM came flying in on his bike (I like to think he wore a blue and red flashing light on this head, and shouted "wee-waaah, weee-waaah" as he sprinted in), tiny screwdrivers in hand, to perform exploratory surgery on my poor Kumquat's internal organs. 

The prognosis is not good. Even if the water hadn't voided the warranty, the damage is not going to be covered by insurance seeing as we've now ripped off explicit "DO NOT REMOVE" tags in her gut and unscrewed every fitting. She has been violated in every way possible. 

I'm praying to the iGods, but don't hold out much hope.

* iTurd : actual hashtag tweeted by fellow toilet-dropping iTwits.