Dunkley's 419 scam

I may need to find a new apartment in the next few months, so I'm keeping an eye out on the usual online websites and classified ads. Unfortunately dodgy scammers also like to keep an eye for housing hopefuls trawling these sites, so most of my interest has been met with crapola.

Original ad online:

EUR700 / 1br - FULLY FURNISHED 1 Bedroom Apartment (amsterdam)

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Datum: 2011-03-14, 12:14PM CET
Antwoorden naar:

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This is one bedroom FULLY FURNISHED apartment boasts over 60 square meters of living space. Luxuriously appointed and includes a modern kitchen with SMEG stainless steel appliances, air conditioning, open plan spacious living area, generous sized bathroom, balcony and internal laundry.Make use of the luxurious shared facilities which include a 20m indoor heated lap pool, spa, sauna.

• Lokatie: amsterdam
• Deze adverteerder kan NIET gecontacteerd worden met diensten of andere commerciële aanbiedingen

Right, so I have to admit, I saw the luxurious shared facilities and gave a little snort, but okay - let's see what this is about. 700 euros is relatively cheap for Amsterdam, but as with any city it depends what area, what neighbourhood and what size you're actually talking about. And "living space" can include stairwells and basements. Chances are, if it is for real, it's in a neighbourhood that I don't want to be living in, but anywho, go on... let's have a laugh.

I responded asking for the usual details on location and maybe some pictures.
I got this (I've edited some of the crap out, because it was just too long):

On Wed, Mar 16, 2011 at 9:20 AM, htr gwegw sdrdjfhvbhm@hotmail.com> wrote:

Thanks for your interest and inquiries about my apartment.Yes the Apartment is still available for rent and we are looking for a responsible person/family to occupy and maintain the Apartment now that I am not around.

I just traveled to West Africa [ED: in the region of Nigerian perhaps?] for a programme called Empowering Youth to Fight Racism, HIV/AIDS, Poverty and Lack of Education, the programme is taking place in major countries in Europe and Africa [blah-blah- blah about how he is such a good godly Christian blah-blah-blah]... We will be away for 3 to 5 years or more that is why I have made up my mind to put up my Apartment for rent to whomever that will take good care of it. Here are details of the Apartment:

Bedroom:1
Bathroom:1
FEATURES :
Electric Range [wow - electricity? And at a range too? Surely not!]Electric Heat
Garage [hahahahaha - NO ONE has covered parking in Amsterdam. Except maybe the queen]
AMENITIES:
Air Conditioning [and don't forget the electric heat mentioned above]Patio/Party Deck
Cable TV
Ceiling Fans
24 hours Internet service [this guy definitely comes from Africa]Dishwasher
Firepit [this is my favourite feature. I am sad that this flat does not really exist]Garbage Disposal [rubbish]Microwave
security alarm
Refrigerator
Washer / Dryer

Rent:700Euro per month
Security deposit:700Euro
Please feel free to ask any questions you do not understand and i will be looking forward to recieve your email as soon as possible.
Here is my phone number: Here is my phone number 0112348132758551 or +2348132758551 [this is a question for the class in general... who knows the dialing code for Nigeria?]
I am not around to show the inside, you can go check out the Apartment and the neighborhood from the outside and get back to me if you really like it for more information [great idea, how about an address or should I just stroll around Amsterdam?]

*********RENT APPLICATION FORM********
(Private and Confidential)

Also, Pls let me get answer to the application below :-
1)Your Full Name ?
2)Your Full Address Where You Reside Right Now ?
3)Reachable Mobile Phone Number ?
4)Age ? [No longer nubile. Too old for human trafficking]
5) Sex ? [Yes, so of no virginal value. Sorry]6)Are You Married ? [No, but I am worth 33 camels, 9 sheep and 4 goats]7)How many people will be living in the apartment? [dunno - how many other people have fallen for this?]8)Copy of Photo ID..(Optional)? [Optional, because we're going to slap someone else's face on the new ID we make from all this info anyway]9)Do You have a Car ?
10)Occupation ?
11) Citizen Of Which Country ?
12) How Many Month Rent Are You Willing To Pay ( First 1month rent + security deposit ) or If You Pay ( First 2months rent + security deposit) And Get 1 Month Free...So which one do you prefer ? [Call now and we'll include a free mail-order bride from Thailand!]
Looking forward to hear from you with all this details so that i can have it in my file in case of issuing the receipt in your name and contacting you. Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the documents and the keys to you, please we are giving you all this based on trust and again i want you to stick to your words. We are putting everything into God's hand, so please do not let us down in this property of ours and God bless you more as you do this. Hope to read from you as soon as possible. Thanks and GOD bless you. I look forward to hearing from you asap.

Cheers!
Dunkley [hahaha, funniest part of the entire email!]

Other responses I've received have been less detailed, less obvious. Some of these guys actually bother to find a Dutch-sounding name (Nienke, Thom) and can even respond with pictures of some random flat, but all are unfortunately out of the country, unavailable to actually show the place in person - but with the security of a cash deposit "they can send the keys via Fedex in good faith".

I wonder how many people they actually catch out? Blessed be the meek and stupid, who shall inherit the earth - and then, god-willing, hand it all to the good Christian scammers from Nigeria anyway.

I'm thinking about changing my email signature... "We are putting everything into God's hand,so please do not let us down... God bless you more as you do this."

Poetry.