Sunday, June 22, 2008

Letter from Den Haag

Dear Bob

How's life in the world of despotic, rabid ruling? Violently badgered any opposition members lately? Ag, just kidding, hey... but I know your wicked sense of humour would appreciate the image. Saw you on telly the other day... you look fit and healthy, no traces of rolling eyeballs or frothing at the mouth, despite the other indications.
Anywho Bob, I was thinking of sending you a postcard, but am not sure how well the postal system is holding up in Zim, so here's an electronic picture of the Vredespaleis in The Hague. It's where the International Court of Justice is housed. It's prettier than the ICC (International Criminal Court) buildings, so I thought I'd brighten up this social letter. Now, I can hear you thinking out loud, why is she going on about these buildings in a country far away, in the land of the colonial oppressors? Ag, no particular reason, they're just two buildings where a number of international war criminals, genocide perpetrators and state tyrants have ended up. But not before killing off a few thousand of their minions each, so not to worry from your side!


Just thought I'd pop you a line to say keep fighting the good fight. I can see from the international news that you're catching quite a lot of heat at the moment. Hard to believe that everyone is ganging up on you like that. After all you've done. Hang in there, in just a short few months, the land will be completely bare of all resources and signs of life - and then it will be yours. All yours. And you will have won!

As a matter of interest, is there a name to your strategy? I know the Russians had the "scorched earth" technique during WWII, so perhaps yours will be known as the "destroy and implode" policy? Maybe you should start pushing the phrase now, so you'll be credited with the inception and naming of it. I don't mind, you can have full rights to the phrase - you've earned it.

Okay, Bob, I know you're a busy man - what with the arrival of all that ammunition from China, so I'll leave you to it. (By the way, I'm sorry that Sky News got hold of that story, it my great-auntie who leaked the news internationally - a little bit awkward at the time, but we're working through it.)


ps. the moustache rocks. Never give in.

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