Thursday, January 04, 2007

Wedding and more on Fatty

It’s KJ’s wedding tomorrow. Tomorrow. Crisis.

Her flowers were finalised yesterday. On Monday, she decided that she wanted to bead serviette ring holders – by hand. So four of us sat on the floor around a tray of beads, like good African women, and beaded over 100 serviette rings.

She has hand-made her Thank You note paper, and has hand-written Thank You’s on her Thank You note paper.

Mumsy has made and is icing three mammoth cakes today to sit on the three-tiered mammoth cake stand – which was only initially going to be one layer.

The bridesmaid dresses are kind of done. The third bridesmaid arrives at 3pm this afternoon – she hasn’t had one fitting. Yesterday, KJ informed us that she would like us to give a speech. Yesterday… Wedding tomorrow.

I used to joke that I didn’t want a marriage, I just wanted a wedding… a big party where people bring me presents and I get to wear a princess dress and a tiara and everyone tells me how pretty I look. Now I don’t even want that.

Weddings are a mission. Avoid at all costs.

Latest on Fatty (god, I hope she’s not related to anyone reading this):

“Cango Cave management and emergency services officials say they plan to discuss the policy of ‘fair discrimination’ regarding overweight visitors to the popular site. This after an obese woman was trapped in one of the tunnels on Monday.

It took a team of some 30 rescuers from nearby Oudsthoorn, George, Mosselbay and Knysna about 10 hours to free the woman and the other 22 people trapped behind her. The 37-year-old Durbanite will not be charged for the rescue.”

No, really… I don’t mind paying tax to rescue stupid, overweight people from natural heritage sites. According to 702 radio, Fatty was advised that she would be too large for the tour. Fatty’s husband kicked up a stink because officials were discriminating against her size (Weightists). This brings me great sorrow... this is a fat – and stupid – married couple. Chances are, they’re breeding.

People should have to apply for procreating rights, and I should have the power to clear or veto them. Call me Hitler.


Anonymous said...

Koekie, we've been calling you Hitler for ages already - you have always been the office fascist!

Champagne Heathen said...

Wedding season has officially begun. I have one tomorrow that I had to politely decline as I would not know a single soul there, it is not in my mother tongue, and it is out of town. But man, I am going to miss that cake and the dancing. Oh, and of course, the free wine!!! Argh.

Enjoy it!!

Peaches said...

Koekie, reckon you would look shit hot in a barbie doll style wedding dress! Shit hot my friend.

ps: Are you meant to feel like you are still moving hours after getting off the effing tubes????