I have a super-human power. You’ve heard of the Midas-touch? I’ve got the converse... commonly known as the Clutz-touch. If I come into contact with it, it will break. Sometimes my powers are so strong, it breaks on contact. On other occasions, it will take a few days for my power to crumble the resistant molecules.
In the last week:
The keyboard on my computer has switched keys. I don’t know how I did this. I was typing and suddenly I couldn’t find the question-mark key. I later learnt that it had been transported to where the hyphen key can usually be found. The @-sign has gone missing completely. I now have too many variations on apostrophes. I have no idea where the forward-slash key has been relocated. I can’t find it at all. It made punctuation tricky, but I soldiered on.
Then – the laptop stopped recognising the power cable altogether. As it was, it was functioning on a precarious connection with very limited battery-power. More than 3 seconds without electricity and it started beeping. Now it has progressed to not recognising the power cable, unless I’m holding it in place. The resultant one-handed typing (sans punctuation) killed my anal-retentive nerves. The computer was blessed with every combination of colourful swearwords I could muster and I am back to sharing a computer with Mills (much to his delight… especially with my Clutz-touch track record)
This weekend, I broke the fishbowl. This wasn’t an instantaneous reaction. I managed to crack the underside of the 30l-capacity bowl. Unaware, we refilled it and replaced it on its spot… on the TV cabinet. You can see this going horribly wrong, can’t you? Fortunately, I noticed the puddle of water forming underneath the bowl and we were able to avert a major crisis before the glass gave way completely. The fish look lovely in their new bucket-habitat though.
Finally, today… I was closing the window in our bedroom and I managed to break the window-maker-opener-thingie clean off its hinge. THIS I maintain was not my fault. The solid metal connection has literally crumbled. I am not that strong.
…Although, who truly knows the full might of my super-human power? If only I could harvest it into a bolt of pure energy directed from my fingertip. I could fry pigeons with a single gesture. That damn laptop would be the first to go up in flame, if I had a choice. The very thought of its destruction fills me with glee.