Monday, August 06, 2007

Untold talent

I have a super-human power. You’ve heard of the Midas-touch? I’ve got the converse... commonly known as the Clutz-touch. If I come into contact with it, it will break. Sometimes my powers are so strong, it breaks on contact. On other occasions, it will take a few days for my power to crumble the resistant molecules.

In the last week:

The keyboard on my computer has switched keys. I don’t know how I did this. I was typing and suddenly I couldn’t find the question-mark key. I later learnt that it had been transported to where the hyphen key can usually be found. The @-sign has gone missing completely. I now have too many variations on apostrophes. I have no idea where the forward-slash key has been relocated. I can’t find it at all. It made punctuation tricky, but I soldiered on.

Then – the laptop stopped recognising the power cable altogether. As it was, it was functioning on a precarious connection with very limited battery-power. More than 3 seconds without electricity and it started beeping. Now it has progressed to not recognising the power cable, unless I’m holding it in place. The resultant one-handed typing (sans punctuation) killed my anal-retentive nerves. The computer was blessed with every combination of colourful swearwords I could muster and I am back to sharing a computer with Mills (much to his delight… especially with my Clutz-touch track record)

This weekend, I broke the fishbowl. This wasn’t an instantaneous reaction. I managed to crack the underside of the 30l-capacity bowl. Unaware, we refilled it and replaced it on its spot… on the TV cabinet. You can see this going horribly wrong, can’t you? Fortunately, I noticed the puddle of water forming underneath the bowl and we were able to avert a major crisis before the glass gave way completely. The fish look lovely in their new bucket-habitat though.

Finally, today… I was closing the window in our bedroom and I managed to break the window-maker-opener-thingie clean off its hinge. THIS I maintain was not my fault. The solid metal connection has literally crumbled. I am not that strong.

…Although, who truly knows the full might of my super-human power? If only I could harvest it into a bolt of pure energy directed from my fingertip. I could fry pigeons with a single gesture. That damn laptop would be the first to go up in flame, if I had a choice. The very thought of its destruction fills me with glee.


Bof said...

I can relate... In one week - without touching anything - my personal magnetic field terminated the functioning of -
1)Email on laptop, 2)Internet links on desktop, 3) TV reception, 4)Glow plugs on my car's fuel injectors. While telling my friend my sad tale (mobile to mobile) the mobile network abruptly dropped us from the conversation. I'm good!

Peaches said...

Wow Koeks! We could have use those superhuman powers against the' kicking, punching and tripping' Westbury Villa on Saturday!!

kop said...

Sometimes, you just scare me!

ChewTheCud said...

I hope your powers only work on man made objects and not on men. Have the fantastic 4 called you yet? ;)

Little Big Sis said...

After many years of being in your presence you must be rubbing off on me:
We had our lounge kitchen tiled last week. While cleaning up I managed to move & therefor dislodge the glass top of the "dining room" table, letting it fall to the newly tiled floor & smash it into 10 million very sharp slices.
This morning the glass shelf in the bathroom decided it didn't like being on the wall so it plumetted 2 the floor, breaking the toilet seat and vase of flowers (that were on the top of the toilet) on the way down. Being safety glass it didn't smash into sharp slices but rather crumbled across the adjoining bedrooms & lounge into another 10 million little round sort of sharp bits. All I can say is thank goodness I wasn't on the loo at the time!
They say things happen in 3's, don't give me anything that remotely resembles glass... PLEASE!
PS: I was going to replace the dining room table glass today, now I'm too scared to even contemplate it :-)