Words cannot describe how much I hate them for waking me up with their household chores. At least twice a week they scrape some sort of brush or metal object across their floor. Think about nails scraping down a chalk board, then reproduce that noise across every square inch of the ceiling. They are very thorough. This noise is annoying enough at 8pm on a week night, but when it wakes you up at midnight... then I think I could have just cause to plead mitigating circumstances in court.
I eventually gave up on trying to ignore the noise (previous experience shows that bashing a broomstick on the ceiling doesn't work, neither does actually going upstairs and telling them about the noise), so now I'm trying to think of ways for them to slowly, painfully - but most importantly, QUIETLY - curl up and die.
- Personal favourite - choking on the amonia fumes. Could claim it was a by-product of obsessive cleaning.
- Attacked by an unexpected swarm of African bees (unfortunately not the quietest option, but could still be satisfactory).
- This option will require more effort than the other two, but could result in a mental home: getting hold of their landline and then calling them at irregular hours... putting down the phone as I hear them reaching it upstairs.
- (or 3a.) Getting hold of their landline and then listing them as contact for as many items as possible on http://www.marktplaats.nl/, stating that they only speak Swahili and therefore need to be spoken to very, very slowly.
- I am tempted to list falling off the balcony as one option, but that would just be in sick distaste. So scrap that.
- Hypertension (revenge for what they give me).
Any other suggestions welcome. Creative juices are slow, so I'm sticking with option 1 as my favourite choice for now.