First, a general disclaimer: I start work at a ridiculous hour. By and large, I don’t mind the work hour, but please please dear god please don’t try to talk to me. Nothing in my scowling expression or general body language says, ‘approach me, I won’t bite.’ I will bite. And I do.
I. Am. Not. A. Morning. Person.
Catch me after 9am and we’re good to go.
Right. Now that’s off my chest. I have another confession: never mind passive-aggresivo, I’m aggressive-aggresivo. This is why I play sport – it’s for the general good of the community, and keeps my police record clean.
Because I start work at a ridiculous hour, I get to finish work before evening rush hour – which means that I miss traffic both ways. And I live all of 2km from where I work. And I STILL have to remind myself to calm down every time I’m in the car.
Things I hate about Joburg traffic:
- Robots are always out of sync, especially up Corlett Drive. It grates my carrot to the core.
- Trucks that drive in the right hand lane when they’re not turning any time soon. (although in fairness, they’re probably sick of the stop-start taxi lane too)
- Magic four-way flickers. If you’ve got your hazard lights on, you can do whatever you like, stop wherever and whenever you want. It’s like a preschool game: ‘Yooou can’t touch me, I’ve got my hazards on. Naa-nana-naaa-naaah!’ Grrrrr…
- Pedestrians that cross the road without a care in the world. I don’t want to take out a pedestrian and I (touch wood) don’t plan to any time soon, but at least acknowledge the headlights and roaring engine bearing down on you. It’s only polite.
- Wankers who don’t indicate.
Every day, I literally get into my car and have a heart-to-heart with myself. “I, Koekie, am going to make it home without swearing at anybody; without wishing a plague of pancreatitis on any fellow drivers; without thinking homicidal thoughts… Woooosaaaaah”
Seven minutes later, I’m angrily slapping on my indicator and wishing a plague of constipation on every taxi driver as I roar around the flashing magic hazards.
Woossaah, indeed. Summer hockey kicks off on Monday - and not a minute too soon.