You know it’s going to be a long day when you arrive at work with a headache. Which is why I’ve decided to down tools for a bit and write about my favourite topic: Me.
I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a while because I send out so many emails detailing my most recent and embarrassing exploits that I think friends, family and random people who I meet in the Pick and Pay checkout queue will appreciate me freeing up their email inboxes.
A quick catch-up for anyone who hasn’t read these emails – and those who deleted without reading:
I have a quick tongue and a slow brain - a lethal combination. I once sent my boss an email bitching about the boss (mentioning him by his name along with other variations, just in case there was ANY chance of me trying to talk my way out of it).
I once ‘nutted’ a guy with a turnstile.
Sticking with turnstiles, I am the only person I know of who has managed to get their head clamped between the gates at a London train station.
I do the following things on an almost daily basis -
walk into cupboards and/or doorways; trip on flat tiled floors; fall down stairs; fall up stairs; break cups, mugs and anything childproof; forcefully fling food, hot liquids or anything that will make an breath-taking display when suddenly released from its carefully vacuum-sealed packaging. Generally a clutz.
I swear a lot. Some of my most inventive wording happens when I'm fighting for lane space with taxi drivers and other idiots through Joburg. Of course, I am never in the wrong. I try not to expose small children to my creativity.
I am a tomboy who loves shoes. I can never have enough shoes. I don’t have enough shoe cupboard space. At the moment, my paltry shoe collection stands at 2 pairs of tekkies, 8 pairs of slip-ons, 4 pairs of boots, 7 pairs of heels... I need more shoes.
I have big hair and small boobs and I talk about both, a lot. But I think I’m hot, so it’s all good. I call myself unique; most people who know me call me Special.
I will try to update this blog on a fairly regular basis, as and when I have something interesting to write about, read about or share with the world at large. Or when I’m bored.
Right, back to work.