Look, don't touch.

Hello? Can I have a great big, WTF?

I can't stop thinking about this story, which was brought to my attention via www.thoughtleader.co.za.

A six-year-old gets hauled before the police because he smacked a female classmate on the butt. Said six-year-old now has sexual offender branded across his school (criminal) record. Een beetje overdreven, toch? Is this indicative of a school that has lost touch of reality, or are the school officials completely powerless to do any disciplining without justifying it by courts and cops?

Flashback to Koekie in Grade One... [vision goes wishy-washy and magical harp music indicates change of scene]

Shaun Cotton (or something) was my crush back then. He had everything a girl dreamed of - pisspot hairstyle and a full set of milk teeth. I was his crush. We were a hot item.

One day, during our much-needed playbreak, Shaun tried to convince me to go behind the bushes with him.

Why? I demanded, although I had a fairly good idea.
Um, because I want to tell you a secret, he replied - with the decency to look sheepish.
So? Tell me the secret here, I challenged. We were sitting on top of the jungle gym, no one was paying us attention.
Um, okay.. Maybe I want to give you a kiss, he admitted.
I gave him a skeef look, justly deserved. Nah, I don't want one, thanks.

Shortly after that that Shaun and I lost interest in each other's attentions. Maybe it was because I didn't put out. Maybe my attention span didn't last past art class. The point is that I survived this attempt at sexual harrassment, and I'm hoping that Shaun didn't go on to be a sexual predator (well, no more so than any other hormonal 18-year-old).

[Wishy vision and harp music]
And we're back.

I wonder what would've changed if I had taken young Shaun up on his suggestion. I am 99.99% sure he had nothing more risky in mind than a peck on the lips. It was almost 10 years later before I finally gave in to my first 'real' kiss (god, it was disgusting... what is the point of all that tongue and slobber? Urgh. So unnecessarily messy). And I did 'give in' to find out what the big deal was about smooching/snogging/pulling. I really didn't think I was missing out on anything, and I still maintain I was right... especially at that stage. But, if I had acquiesced to Shaun's early advances, would I have put out sooner in my highschool years? Somehow I doubt it.

I'm losing track here. My point (I think there's one somewhere), is that Shaun's request sounds far more calculated than poor aptly-named Randy from Virginia. If he had smacked his classmate on the arm, he might have been suspended for aggression. And I doubt that Shaun (or I) grew up any worse for wear from our overtly sexual conversation on top of the jungle gym all those years ago.

If (IF!) I did have children, would I be forced to place them in schools where they are not allowed to touch other kids, for fear of legal/criminal reprisals. Not allowed to share the same facilities, utensils or breathing space, for fear of contaminating each other with their icky kiddie germs? I thought the point of school was to teach children social skills. What are they learning now? Besides how to waste police resources.

The same article mentions a four-year-old in Texas who has a similar record to Randy... except this toddler harrassed a grown woman, by pressing his face into the bosom of the lady (carer/teacher?) who was carrying him at the time.

I thought this counted as 'seeking physical contact' or 'snuggling', but apparently the 37-year-old carrying him called it sexual harrassment. I just hope this school official has the decency (if she has any left) to squirm when she explains that she was the victim of sexual abuse... from a four-year-old.

How empowering, for a toddler who probably still sucks his thumb.
And how embarrassing for the woman who picked him up, unwittingly play straight into his evil mastery.

Honestly.
What... the... Fuck?