Sunday, May 04, 2008

There's something in the water

Today, another of my team mates announced her pregnancy. That makes three since I joined the team just over a year ago.

At work, in an office of just 16, two ladies have just had babies and one is 6 months pregnant.

And I can't even begin to count the preggie bellies at Mills's work - basically if you're female and working in that department, you are highly likely to be pregnant. If you're a partner of someone working in that department, you're pregnant. Every time I go to a work function with them, I meet another distended stomach. And with every announcement, the department turns as a team to Mills and I... Never mind the wedding pressure (which people have apparently lost interest in), now we just deal with baby pressure.

Sometimes it seems like everyone greeted the new year with "Happy 2008, here's your fertility shot."

And then, as if the distorted torsos weren't enough, they bring the babies in to show them off at work, just a few weeks after birth. I don't get this. I know this is going to sound callous, but what is the point? Congratulations, you popped one out. There's nothing new about it, in fact... if there was, you probably wouldn't be showing him off so happily. Your eight week old is hardly up there on the entertainment ranks. It's either crying, or sleeping - the first is annoying, the second is boring.

I don't hate babies, I just don't particularly like them. They tend to hold my attention for a very short age bracket - from when they start to develop a personality (around 9 months, me thinks) to when they start talking (which is when they start telling stories and asking questions, around 1 year, 18months? My baby book knowledge is hazy). Anyway, bring your baby in that gap. That's when they're getting interactive, but aren't yet annoyingly cocky.

Bringing children into the office is the best time to catch me at my most productive. Quick dial a number! Act busy! Don't get caught in awkward conversation about how fast he/she/it's growing. She's not pretty, she's not showing visible signs of genius and she looks like a monkey. And I know changing her nappy is perfectly normal for you, but could at least point her legs in another direction while I'm trying to eat my lunch?

So it's breeding season in the Netherlands. A recently relocated couple mentioned that they have been trying for a baby for the last three years. I'm fairly certain that after drinking this water for a few months, they'll be showing off sonograms too. No worries, baby.

I know it's supposed to be that stage of our lives. The 21st are over. Sigh. Now we're in the throws of the wedding and breeding age group. But I do think this whole pregnancy spurt is a little extreme. Suffice to say, I'm keeping my legs tightly crossed just in case it's contagious.


Anonymous said...

Until you have had your own bay, you will never understand how proud you are of your own offspring, even if they are inanimate, burping, farting, weeing, pooing, ugly little creatures. I certainly couldn't fathom it until I produced a miracle called Kate :-)
And the world would have been a poorer place without you.....

Anonymous said...

Previous anonymous... I can only assume by your reference to having "your own bay" you may have mixed up the desire to avoid "birth" with a an attempt not to "berth".

rd said...

Nice, Koekie was the miracle and I was the eye sore that led to a vasectomy...

the branch manager said...

Bloody hell, there are seven billion of us on this planet already (last time I counted). And what do we do when people produce another one, we congratulate instead of giving them a decent slap!

kop said...

I read today that breastfeeding your baby gives it a higher IQ. If you do have kids, they may be dumb!

Anonymous said...

Many years ago your mother had the same sentiments regarding children that you now have ..... What goes around, comes around!
mp tannie

Don't believe a word I write said...

Dear Koekie

This is your uterus speaking. Something is missing in my life. I feel empty, alone, unfulfilled. I know you can turn things around for me.

P.S. Your mother asked me to chat to you about this. She's quite persuasive.


The Blonde Blogshell said...

We have exactly the same "epidemic" at work...the joke now is not to drink the water from the water cooler in the building!

Great blog :-)

Koekie said...

Anons (and other family members): thanks for the support. No grandkiddies any time soon!

Branch manager: exactly, stop encouraging the breeders!

You-Ter-Is: leave me alone, I'm ignoring you.

Blonde Blogshell: our theory at work is that we have a "pregnant chair". Due to recent relocation, we're not sure which one it is now... scary.