Monday, January 21, 2008

His milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

My two idiot colleagues (FB and Duckface) keep me amused with their bickering. They've known each other for years and they have that 'special' relationship that two guys develop after spending far too much time in each other's singular company.

Anyway, today's highlight was their argument over milkshakes and flavoured milk. The conversation theme ran throughout the entire day -after Duckface offered FB some of his "milkshake" (read: flavoured milk).

FB: That's not milkshake. If you pour it out of a carton, it's flavoured milk.
Duckface: Flavoured milk is the same as a milkshake.
FB: There's flavoured milk, and there's milkshake. Big difference. Huge.
Duckface: Any milk with flavour is a milkshake.
FB: You cannot be serious. That's like saying a tram and a train are the same thing because they both run on rails.
Duckface: Whatever, gimp.

Colleagues pretend to work for 20minutes.

FB: So what do you call that thick icecreamy stuff you get from MacDonalds?
Duckface: That's a milkshake.
FB: Exactly! And it's not the same as this.
Duckface: It's flavoured, it's a milkshake. Where I come from [Scottish Highlands], you add icecream, it's called "Milkshake with a floater".

[I am not making this shit up]

Me: You're kidding, right? When have you ever seen a menu that advertises 'floater' anything?
Duckface: The icecream is the floater.
FB: Do you even know what a floater is?
Duckface: It's icecream in a milk...shake.
FB: Just admit that this is not a milkshake.
Duckface: Shut up, gimp.

[contemplative typing]

Me: I can't find anything on google about floater milkshakes. Ergo, it does not exist.
FB: That's because milkshake equals milk plus icecream.
Duckface: I don't care. I'll take you to Scotland and prove that when you order a milkshake you'll get anything from flavoured milk to drinking icecream.
Me: Anyone who tries to serve me flavoured milk under the guise of a milkshake will get treated to a royal hissy fit.*
Duckface: I can believe that, Princess.
Me: You don't have to advertise that a milkshake has icecream. It's not an added nicety. It's a necessity. It's like here, where they try to serve warm milk as hot chocolate. Not The Same Thing.
FB: Just admit this isn't a milkshake.
Duckface: Do you mind? I'm trying to work here.
FB: Not a milkshake.
Duckface: Train, tram.

And so it continued. Every colleague who came past our desk was asked to define the two dairy products. Most looked confused. While he was in a meeting, Duckface's desktop was plastered with pictures, recipes and definitions of real, echte milkshakes.

Appraisals are coming up next week. I'm sure we'll be more focused by then.

*Mills reckons that royal hissy fit should not be seen as a measure of quality, as (apparently) princess tantrums tend to happen fairly often. I disagree, but I'll let him have his opinion. For now.


Bof said...

Train tram? A cow running delivers a straight milk-shake. Running through a strawberry field delivers a flavoured milk-shake. Standing grazing in a strawberry field delivers flavoured milk. During an unexpected flash flood in Iceland recently, the icecream floater was discovered. Duh!

Lopz said...

Who says pot-ay-to and who says po-tah-to? ;-)

Peaches said...

Too, too funny.

And EVERYONE knows that there is a distinct difference between a milkshake and a flavoured milk (like the kind you get in the dumpies at the Engen). Huge difference. Cannot even begin to compare.