Monday, March 17, 2008

Miss. Celine Milan

Lucky me. One Miss. [sic] Celine Milan has solicited my personal help in order to save her from financial ruin (and make myself very rich in a hurry). However, I have declined this kind offer for a number of editorial reasons...

Dearest, [Ed - if you have my email details, at least address the letter to me. It's common courtesy]

It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I intend to establish in your country. Though I have not met with you before but I believe, one risk confiding in succeed sometimes in life [Business letter writing 101: Edit it].

There is this huge amount of Seven million five Hundered Thousand U.S dollars ($75,000.00) [This is 75 thousand, you innumerate] which my late Father kept for with a Fiduciary Fund Holder [nice use of thesaurus, or at least Wikipedia] in Abidjan before his death [No full stop. Lose more grammatical points]

Now I have decided to invest these money [Bad English. Minus 50 points] in your country or anywhere safe enough outside Africa for security and political reasons. I want you to help assist me claim and retrieve these fund from the Fiduciary Fund Holders and transfer it into your personal account in your country for investment purposes and my education [Maybe then you can like to make more better con letters]. If you can be of an assistance to me I will be pleased to offer to you 20% Of the total fund [Of the $7,5million or $75,000? There's a difference].

I await your soonest response.
Respectfully yours,

Miss. Celine Milan

After careful consideration of all the facts available, I must decline this respectful invitation, based largely on your lack of imagination. Mister Dobi Abdijbanga from Nigeria had a much better story about his dying (double amputee) mother's fortune being appropriated by corrupt governmental officials. Plus he offered 50% of the loot, if I kindly provide my bank details for his personal use. So I'm going with that offer instead.

ps. I don't care how respectfully mine you are, please stop sending me this shit.


Anonymous said...

Why on earth did she not go for "Celine Miland" because it would sound so much more credible if a name like Celine ended with a "D" - on. I must get a life!

Don't believe a word I write said...

Koekie, can I send you my account number? Very I would much like help to assist somewhat aid Miss Milan with his/her deepest fiduciary problem. A hug.


Koekie said...

Dearest Anon and DWD,

Thanks to you for the kind offering thus. Your thoughts are received with gratitude and properly noted. Before we can transfer money to you, please sends us 100USD (one MILLION dollars) to show of good faith.

anticipatedly yours