Friday, October 20, 2006

Bureaucratic Bumblings

Written in a mad rage yesterday:

We’re in the process of training for a new system. Learning a new system is good. Change is good. I accept there are going to be glitches and I accept that it’s going to take a while to wrap my head around the new system.

What I don’t accept is that at the (first and only) training session, we - the lowly minions – were informed that we’re to go live with this new system tomorrow. If not today.

This is the first time most of us have even clapped eyes on the software. Never mind used it. And now we must master it by when?

Fuck off.

Generally, a new launch or upgrade is phased in. A few hours of training, a few days if not weeks of testing, then a few more tests before going live.

What’s the rush in this case…? Our managers have just realised that the launch party is tomorrow. Crap. Well we better have something to show at the launch, hey?

So now our managers, who have only recently discovered their belly buttons, are scurrying around like ants under a microscope because – surprise! – time carries on in spite of their best attempts to ignore it.

My list of priorities when introducing a new system:
  1. Contemplate feasibility and logistics of new system
  2. Design new system
  3. Train employees
  4. Test new system
  5. Organise launch party
  6. Go live

Their list of priorities, as far as I can tell:

  1. Organise a launch party
  2. Design the new system
  3. Fret about unseen incompatibilities
  4. Go live anyway
  5. Oh ja... train employees

Oh, and by the way, the lowly minions are not invited to the launch party proper. We get pizza in our office – possibly placed just out of reach from our ankle shackles. They all need a lesson in efficiency from Randburg bloody Home Affairs. I am not paid enough for this shit.

End text.

Then I went off in a blind rage and played a hockey match. That we lost. I also managed to break a team mate’s finger – not directly, but she was kinda in the way of a ball that I cleared… at hip height. Lose cannon. Not sure if the finger’s broken, but her three middle fingers sure were a pretty shade of blue.

I’m going to hell.


Anonymous said...

not scuttling like ants under a microscope, nay, instead: asses puckering like a rabbits nose.... see, englsih can like to be delicious

Champagne Heathen said...

I'd kill them. And the best is that they get to claim "but we've trained them" and so you guys take the blame when things fck up. Good Luck with it!!

If you play hockey, aren't you expected to break or seriously bruise at least 1 body part each season? I thought it was a standard?

Koekie said...

Anon: Who learnt you English so good? Ass-puckering rabbits nose, indeed.

CH: I was the proud recipient of a black eye from a malicious elbow to the face during last hockey season, so yes, injuries are expected. Had it been an opposition I wouldn't have reason to feel bad... but it's precious schoolgirl who I'm quite fond of. Guilt!

Anonymous said...

I learned myself lekker talking wiff da words of the verdomde english people...

I think I now know why that subbing interview didn't quite go so great