Fire Hazard

Remember the talks we got on fire safety as kids? I clearly don't.

I'm a part-time pyromaniac. When we're on the farm or anywhere near a braai, I MUST light the fire. People get shoulder-charged out the way. I get kinda caveman about it. Koekie make fire, gooood...

That's all well and jolly under controlled circumstances, like say, outdoors. But I also have a tendency to set fire to things indoors - unintentionally. This hobby is slightly more perturbing, especially for the people who share habitation with me.

Once upon a not-so-distant time, I managed to set fire to a butternut I was attempting to roast in the oven. Note to self: wax-wrap is highly flammable.

There was also the time that I fell asleep with a towel draped over free standing heater in my room. See previous mentioned comment about not paying attention during primary school safety talks (I was the kid burning matches in the corner). In my defense, the heater was off when I went to bed, but as I feel asleep while reading, I knocked the heater on.

Half an hour later, I woke up to an acrid smell and somewhat blurry vision. Fortunately, the towel was only (only!?) smouldering and hadn't actually caught alight yet. My housemate was muchos-happy with me when I explained the caustic aroma the next morning.

"He he... well, funny story, actually... heh, I... um, almost killed us and possibly took a few other tenants with... funny, hey?"

You know the question of: what would you grab if your house caught fire? People who live with me not only know the answer, but also have a list of priorities and an emergency bag packed in case of such an event.

Our bathroom light isn't working at home – as in electrics, not faulty lightbulb. So our amateur solution has been to balance a candle in an empty marg tub on the toilet cistern. Problem solved.

Last night, we kinda… might've... left it burning. All night. Fire hazard 101. I came through this morning to find 1 x very melted, very plastic covered toilet.

Oops. Good thing porcelain isn't known for its combustible nature.

Fire hazard 102 is my hair. I didn't have time or the inclination (too busy cleaning melted goo off the cistern) to straighten it this morning so it is as Mother Nature intended. Very big and very curly. Colleagues have been greeting me with shocked, but slightly amused, grins. I'm so glad I can entertain.

Must remember to stay away from smokers today. In such dry, hot weather this straw thatch would go up before you could say "igni..."