Them’s with which we work

Aren’t colleagues fun? Some are hours of entertainment. And it only takes one episode of watching David Brent in The Office to realise that every office is pretty much the same, no matter what you do or where you work.

The manager who loudly and proudly takes the credit when a project (which they in all probability had nothing to do with) is a roaring success; the middle-management yes-man who follows instructions to a tee, no matter how inconsistent or counterproductive they are; the heart-stopping breath-taking killer (there has to be one hottie in every office otherwise it’s just not worth it); the blonde, who always tends to be three steps behind every conversation (in my team this role varies from day to day); the perpetual cougher and snorter; the bored pill-popper (generally greeting each day with chilled grin) and the really, really strange guy who will not, or can not make eye contact.

Oh, and this might just be in my case – there’s always one person who’s annoyingly and endearingly chirpy BEFORE their first cup of coffee. Hate them.

A recent conversation with a co-worker led to us speculating as to what a mild-mannered unassuming colleague does when (if?) he leaves the building. Her guess was a wild dominatrix-type fan, my guess – and far easier on the brain so early in the morning – was a superhero.

Quiet and unassuming by day, crime fighting hero by night.

But what kind of superhero? Based on facial features, I’ve settled on rodent super-powers. Being some type of Danger Mouse would probably come in very handy when it comes to survival in tricky and sticky situations… anyone who’s had their ceiling infested with rats will know this all too well. Even rattex is no longer a threat. In fact, in my comic strip, this colleague would have ingested a box of rat poison, which would have resulted in the mutant powers.

Now, costume. Underwear on the outside is a must. Cliched I know, but how else are you meant to distinguish yourself from the average rat? Hmmm, nothing with a zip because that would probably be a bitch to get on and off with claws. As many colours as possible would be good – heroes don’t feel the need for camouflage. Oh, and there’d have to be a hole by the ass for the tail. Nice touch.

I can see it now… a yellow and purple streak up the drainpipe and into the window of the office being burgled, green cape billowing behind him. Am I getting too carried away here? Probably.
But how many of YOU have a superhero in their midst? Huh?